They're getting married.
As usual, I was left in the dark about this. Literally, I was in the bedroom closet when I overheard her talking on the phone to our mutual acquaintance Elizabeth.
In reality, she didn't so much as break the news to us....as we were in the closet and I was standing on the dogs head to reach Mommy's new purse she bought for ME yet for some reason tried hiding from me on the top shelf that I can't get to...bitch!!!
I heard her come into my bedroom and start talking just as I was about to reach the purse, my claws digging into his scalp, drawing out droplets of blood.
Being the savvy multitasker that is Shelby, I ordinarily am able to listen in on conversations like this while preforming other necessary tasks.
Unfortunately, at that moment of my almost reaching my new purse, the dog began to weep and was making it difficult for me to hear their conversation.
I jumped down off his head, relieving him from the anguish that my freshly manicured claws were causing.
Shoving my ear to the door, I eavesdropped....I mean listened.
Apparently, Daddy bought Mommy a pretty sparkly finger ornament. (I'll have to investigate this thing later!)
Then he got down on one knee and asked him to make him the happiest man in the universe.
That was obviously a lie! Stupid idiot that is my Motha fell for it. Little does she know it was when I, Shelby, Princess Amazing entered their lives that made BOTH of them the happiest creatures in the entire planet plus where God lives! That place is great!
She said Yes and then they cried and hugged and kissed (gross!)
This means that they are getting married and will have a wedding.
Going to have to Google those two words later!!
Then she told Elizabeth that she needs to find a dress. A wedding dress. What in cat-nation does she need a new dress for? The woman has tons of them! Plus, now I will have to rub up against a new dress, leaving my scent on it and that takes some time to accomplish! At least three months!!
I wonder what Shelby would look like in a wedding dress...
This weekend they plan on going to see some venues as they will be getting married soon.
I wonder what I will wear for the ceremony. Hmmmmm.......
As I continued to listen in on Motha's conversation, the dog kept begging me to tell him what was going on. I knew that this wouldn't be good. He's a moron and doesn't understand the magnitude of what is happening. Actually, I don't really understand what is happening.
Despite my better judgement, I told the shit-stain (I mean shih tzu) what I heard.
"Well useless, Motha and Fatha are getting married," I said bitterly.
"Really Celery! They are!" The dog enthusiastically replied with his stupid lisp. At that point the blood was starting to dry on his head and the tears had stained his already repulsive fur. I decided to ignore the fact that he once again mispronounced my name and did not address me correctly as "Princess Amazing."
His excitement quickly turned into confusion, as it usually does. He began to ask me a slew of unnecessary questions. "What's married", "What is Mommy saying?", "Are we are going somewhere?", "Does this mean I will get a treat?"
In order to save myself from this torture, I pulled out me cell-phone and searched the meaning of this nonsense.
Apparently, they are legally joining as a couple and then will have a party. That's great!! They're going to have drinks and cake! I love cake! It's almost better than catnip! Makes me vibrate with excitement!
The second I explained this to asshole, he started jumping up and down, crying tears of joy, replacing his confusion with happiness. As you can imagine, this pissed me off and I punched him in the stomach. Watching him fall to the ground, I started to feel some happiness myself. Nice for Shelby. Bad for the dog.
At this point, I heard Motha exit the room and I released the dog. He went happily running to Motha, already forgetting everything that transpired in the closet.
Shit! I just realized that I never made it to my new purse!!! What the litter box!
"Oh....dog!"
