Quickly, I gathered my arsenal of weapons: giant furball, a shank made from a melted plastic treat bag and a greanade assembled out of pieces of Motha's jewerly that I found which were already broken because I didn't break them.
With my weapons strapped to my back, I escaped down the stairs to the dark place which houses all of the delicious spiders.
Unfortunately, the dog followed me down the stairs, begging me to play with him. Someone please remind me to hide a hand greanade in one of his repulsive and slobbered-on squeaky toys.
Motha saw stupid run down the stairs and grabbed him. She doesn't like him going down there because that's where she stores his disgusting and poor excuse for food. When he does get to the dark underground room, he manages to get into the bag and creates quite the mess. I egg him on usually. It's fun to watch the little shitface get into trouble!!
Once I saw her grab stupid and take him upstairs, I ran to my secret hiding spot. Then I saw something horrible happen. My idiot Motha closed the door!!
I ran to the door, leaving my weapons behind. It was closed. I was trapped. No food, no water, no cat litter...and most importantly, no catnip.
Using my back paws, I tried to donkey kick the door open. Didn't work!! Then, I tried to jump up to the handle thing...missed and crashed to the floor! I started to lose hope!
After attempting to claw and knaw my way out....I finally realized that I wouldn't be able to get out of this situation alone.
I would need help.
And...it pains me to say that the dog was the only one who could help me.
I put my ear to the door to make sure the scary vacuum monster was finished sucking up my hard work of fur balls in the rugs, carpets and furniture.
All was silent.
I then called for the dumbass mongrel.
"Stupid!", I shouted, "want to play with Shelby?!"
In about 2 seconds flat, I heard the panting of the dog which was quickly followed by scratching at the door.
After a few minutes of me tempting the dog to "come to the dark underground room and eat some 'hungries"....as Motha calls his food, I heard footsteps. Fatha must have heard the dog scratching and barking at the door to the dark underground room.
Moments later, I heard my Fatha ask the dog what he was barking at. Then, he obediently followed the dogs wishes and opened the door.
The dog ran downstairs and I ran past them both as fast as my sexy, toned legs could take me.
Then some more moments later, I was able to sit back and relax while the dog got yelled at by Motha for making a mess of his hungries downstairs and then watch as Fatha also got yelled at by Motha for letting stupid go downstairs.
Horray!!
Now time to find a squeaky toy and make good use out of my greanade.
