Ah, a glorious morning lounging in front of my window, looking at the amazing scenery. The green grass, blue skies, pretty flower friends swaying in the winds, my reflection in the glass...why, hello sexy Shelby!
Unfortunately, there are horrific sights as well...ugly birds, stupid neighbors walking their even stupider dogs and the scary garbage monster eating truck that comes once a week. I'm hoping one day that the scary garbage monster eating truck will accidentally swallow up the useless, piece of shit, loser dog. Except the dog is so revolting that he'd probably spit him back out.
I usually fall asleep while staring out the window. Sometimes, I wake up to find the loser dog laying next to me. He usually takes the opportunity of my sleeping to come and sit by me. I wouldn't mind it if 1. He didn't smell like shit, 2. He didn't get so uncomfortably close to me, and 3. He was dead.
The only pleasure I get out of sitting next to the dog is that I can torment him. I like to tell him things that get him fired up. He gets so worked up over the smallest things. For instance, if I tell him there is some one outside, he starts barking like a moron. This happens every single time one of the stupid neighbors walks by. Treats forbid they are walking one of their useless dogs, he goes completely mental! You'd think he'd want to make friends with his fellow scum-sucking dogs!
Then, I might mention that I see Motha and Fatha.....this one is great! The insanity really sets in if he thinks Motha and Fatha are home. It's probably because the entire time they are gone he is convinced that they are dead and never coming back....I may or may not (I do) solidify these fears in his head by agreeing that he will never see them again. Don't judge me! It's hysterical!
If in fact my parents do come home, the second he sees their car, his tail starts to flail about like a windmill on a breezy day...he jumps up and down, his front paws clamoring down on the ground. He can't control his excitement...sometimes he pees a little and then I have to run away as fast as possible to avoid any of the toxic liquid from touching my precious, pristine fur.
Luckily, today he has not realized that I am sitting by the window. So therefore, I will enjoy these wonderful moments alone and hope that the dog somehow got outside and that the scary garbage monster eating truck is hungry for a little dog that smells like shit.
