I was a bit of an asshole yesterday.
You see, Motha decided to take out the vacuum monster yesterday. I can never
understand why she does this to me. I mean, doesn't she know that this wants to
kill me! I was so frightened yesterday that as soon as I heard it roll
out towards me, I clawed into the dogs ribcage and forced him in front of me to
us as a shield. The little shithead squirmed for a bit at first but after a few
cracks to the rib bones he settled down.
As I watched this monster terrorize my
freshly furred carpet, it dawned on me that my hard work of rolling around and
shedding my fur on every possible inch of the floor was going down the drain.
It even sucked up my catnip I stashed behind the desk that I had intended to
use later for sexy time with Mr. Frog (Don't worry, you'll be introduced
later.)
My assholic tendencies emerged when
Motha plucked shithead off of me and left me completely vulnerable and open to
the impending death that would become of Shelby. I immediately got as
close to the ground as I could and ran away, under the bed to hide next to my
plethora of sock friends.
After several hours, all was quiet.
The monster must have been finished feasting on my rugs. That night,
after mommy went to bed, I jumped onto the bed, leaped onto Mommy's chest and
spit in her mouth. I usually save such assholic tendencies for the little
shithead Shadow, but unfortunately had to teach that bitch a lesson for her
carless and life threatening behavior this afternoon.
She looked peaceful while sleeping so
I exnayed the plan to scratch her face and piss on the wounds. Instead I
allowed her the pleasure of me squeezing in and laying on her head, I mean
pillow.
There! Now I feel better to
confessing. If you tell her I did this, I will vehimintely deny it, kill you
and burn all evidence. Enjoy your day. I'm overdue for a nap.
